Sunday, August 24, 2008

Becoming a Mommy

So, this has been weighing heavily on my mind lately - becoming a mommy. As I previously mentioned, I am about to embark on a whole new world. I have 4 weeks left until my due date and have spent the last 8 months trying to mentally prepare myself; but, for what? I have no idea. I have plenty of experience of dealing with babies and small children, but never when I couldn't give them back when I got tired. I am very excited about this new adventure, but also scared shitless, pardon the expression. Will I be any good? Will I be crazy? Will my baby sleep? Will I know what to do? All are questions that I am sure all new mothers ask themselves. I'd say I have a normal level of anxiety. Some days, I feel more anxious than others. The other day, as I left my OB appointment, I reflected back on what she had told me. I am "1 cm dilated, and her head is low." Holy crap, it's real! I nearly had a panic attack, driving home.
My sister in law just had a baby, August 13 - lil Patrick Ayden. (I am super excited about his arrival as well!) She is transitioning into motherhood really well. Patrick is very happy, sleeps, and hardly ever cries, or so they tell me. She had a wonderful pregnancy, as well. (not that I have had any problems). I believe it was around 37 weeks when she went into the doctor, and they told her that she was dilating. She remained that way until her due date, when Patrick decided he was ready.
My mom was scheduled for an ultrasound the day I made an appearance, about 2 months ahead of when she was expecting. It's stuff like that that scares me. I have so much left to accomplish before Kendall arrives - finish the nursery, have a baby shower, go shopping. Other than clothes, a crib, dresser and changing table, I have nothing. Oh, and diapers, I have some of those.
I have a ton of things that need to be done to the house, too. I would love to finally finish my kitchen cabinets that I started working on 3 years ago and never finished. I also would love to paint my living room and bedroom. And cleaning, I have a lot of cleaning left to do - right now, there is nowehere in my bedroom to put Kendall's bassinet. All this thinking is stressing me out more....think that's enough for now.

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